I want to help and I feel the need to share. If you are going through any of this perhaps my experiences will let you know that you are not alone and you are not absolutely out of your mind.
Diary - March 29, 2005
I was awakened at 5:30am. That is very unusual for me to rise so very early. I could not sleep. I got up after my husband got into the shower and poured myself a cup of coffee. I took it back to my bed and pulled out some books to read. I had been having trouble with a growth or swollen lymph node on the right side of my body under my arm. The swelling has increased. Although last week I had an MRI, I did not fear. The swelling caused me pain this morning.
The moment I settled into bed, an emotion came over me as it often does. I am learning that this is God calling me to pray. I recognize that the emotions that I experience during these times are very different from when I am sad or grieving about other things in life. While still in bed, I began to cry. I began to speak in a language that I do not understand. I am still in awe about that. I feel that it may be Latin for I sometimes hear myself saying the words, “Christu” – “Spiritu”
Soon the Holy Spirit took over and I fell to my knees beside my bed. Tears flowed with such agony that I cannot contain myself. I asked God to clear my thoughts and my mind and reveal to me what was going on. I then began to take my own hand and touch the area of my body that is sore and sick. I understand that possibly the Holy Spirit was praying through me over that. I had a strange feeling that the Holy Spirit was interceding for me. Faces began to appear and flash before me. I saw a friend. She is a Nurse Practitioner. I do not understand what I am praying about yet. I just feel the emotion of it all.
When I am submerged in prayer the world disappears and I am some other place. Time passes and what so often seems to be but a minute becomes an hour - An hour becomes two and before I know it - three have passed.
Suddenly, in the deep midst of my prayer, a tormenting sound pierced my right ear. I felt a brush of hot air brush against my face and I am fearfully startled. A terror came over me as I have never known before. I am so taken back by it that I immediately began to scream. I felt a fear that I cannot explain. I will never ever forget the deep rustling voice growling in my ear as if to stop my praying. The crazy thing is – I seemed to understand what it was. I recognized that it was the enemy; a demon that has come forth to torment. I screamed with such force and terror. My whole body began to shake. I know that I should have no fear. I know that I have nothing to fear, but I was so caught off guard.
My husband who was downstairs at the time, came running up to me. He grabbed me to calm me down. “Shhhhhhh - Sarah, it’s okay.” My body shook as I cowered against the wall. I stood up, still sobbing with such depth that my body hurt. I could not speak at first, but found the words to shout, “Get away from me!” I was extremely frightened and shaken.
My pour husband said, “Okay, okay – he then began to step back away. “I grabbed him and said, “NO! There’s a demon in here!” “It screamed in my ear.” “I felt it’s breath upon my face.”
He tried hard to calm me. I stood against the wall holding on to him as hard as I could and said, “Get me out of here!” My body shook and tears streamed down my face as he escorted me out into the hallway.
He escorted me down stairs and I knew that he thought I was losing my mind. I felt it too. “What just happened to me?” I thought trying to regain some kind of control. But I knew. I really knew what it was.
We spoke about what had happened and he comforted me the best way he knew how. At some point I settled and the tears slowed to where I could actually speak with normalcy. He needed to get to work.
The moment I settled into bed, an emotion came over me as it often does. I am learning that this is God calling me to pray. I recognize that the emotions that I experience during these times are very different from when I am sad or grieving about other things in life. While still in bed, I began to cry. I began to speak in a language that I do not understand. I am still in awe about that. I feel that it may be Latin for I sometimes hear myself saying the words, “Christu” – “Spiritu”
Soon the Holy Spirit took over and I fell to my knees beside my bed. Tears flowed with such agony that I cannot contain myself. I asked God to clear my thoughts and my mind and reveal to me what was going on. I then began to take my own hand and touch the area of my body that is sore and sick. I understand that possibly the Holy Spirit was praying through me over that. I had a strange feeling that the Holy Spirit was interceding for me. Faces began to appear and flash before me. I saw a friend. She is a Nurse Practitioner. I do not understand what I am praying about yet. I just feel the emotion of it all.
When I am submerged in prayer the world disappears and I am some other place. Time passes and what so often seems to be but a minute becomes an hour - An hour becomes two and before I know it - three have passed.
Suddenly, in the deep midst of my prayer, a tormenting sound pierced my right ear. I felt a brush of hot air brush against my face and I am fearfully startled. A terror came over me as I have never known before. I am so taken back by it that I immediately began to scream. I felt a fear that I cannot explain. I will never ever forget the deep rustling voice growling in my ear as if to stop my praying. The crazy thing is – I seemed to understand what it was. I recognized that it was the enemy; a demon that has come forth to torment. I screamed with such force and terror. My whole body began to shake. I know that I should have no fear. I know that I have nothing to fear, but I was so caught off guard.
My husband who was downstairs at the time, came running up to me. He grabbed me to calm me down. “Shhhhhhh - Sarah, it’s okay.” My body shook as I cowered against the wall. I stood up, still sobbing with such depth that my body hurt. I could not speak at first, but found the words to shout, “Get away from me!” I was extremely frightened and shaken.
My pour husband said, “Okay, okay – he then began to step back away. “I grabbed him and said, “NO! There’s a demon in here!” “It screamed in my ear.” “I felt it’s breath upon my face.”
He tried hard to calm me. I stood against the wall holding on to him as hard as I could and said, “Get me out of here!” My body shook and tears streamed down my face as he escorted me out into the hallway.
He escorted me down stairs and I knew that he thought I was losing my mind. I felt it too. “What just happened to me?” I thought trying to regain some kind of control. But I knew. I really knew what it was.
We spoke about what had happened and he comforted me the best way he knew how. At some point I settled and the tears slowed to where I could actually speak with normalcy. He needed to get to work.
“You know when you leave, I have to finish praying.” I said to him. He tried to encourage me and remind me that the enemy has no control over our lives and that somehow I needed to get control over this. It is a difficult thing to explain. I was new with this and still trying to understand everything that has been happening to me. Sometimes it feels as if the Holy Spirit takes control and I have none. I am learning to yield to the Holy Spirit and allow God to use me as a vessel. I am only the vessel.
After I calmed down and my husband left for work. I again, felt the calling so strong to fall upon my face. I went into my office and fell upon my face, tears streamed before I could reach the floor. I began to pray in my language again. Still not understanding what I am saying.
Suddenly - a vision:
I saw before my eyes a flock of demons flying in the sky. They were circling like a flock of buzzards over my head. I prayed and spoke out loud, asking God to send his mightiest warriors to come and help me. At that moment, a light from the sky fell full force into the midst of the flock and then another and another. The lights turned into white clouds as the buzzard like flock turned into black clouds. The white clouds moved swiftly like lightning. The dark clouds immediately broke away, shooting out into the sky in different directions. The white clouds followed after. It was over, the sky was clear.
I continued to pray as my vision began to become clearer. I saw my friend once again. She was holding her right arm out and coming towards me, as if to lay her hands upon me and heal me. I remember saying in my thoughts, “But God, Lindsey cannot heal me, you can.” I just felt that she was praying for me.
I stood in a dim place as if I were in space. There were no other markings around me. Lindsey continued to come towards me with her hand stretched out towards me. When she finally reached me, she took my right arm, the one that is ill, and raised it up above my head. With her other arm she took her hand and opened up the area of the swollen lymph node. There was no bleeding or pain. I continued to pray and at that moment my heart hurt deeply and my tears intensified.
All of the sudden as if a vacuum were held in the skies above, I felt a strong pull from my arm. I saw a string of black, almost like a cloud, being pulled from my arm as Lindsey continued to hold it up. I felt as if God were sucking all the sickness out of me. The Holy Spirit continued to pray through me – I actually felt as if God Himself were praying over me. The black looking soot continued to be pulled from my body up towards the heavens like a vacuum. It seemed to go on forever as I prayed, but soon it came to a stop. When it was all over, I saw Lindsey take her hand and stitch the open area up. I began to cry tears of joy and happiness and praise God for what He was revealing to me. I thanked Him with all of my heart. I wept tears of thanksgiving and joy for His glorious work and love.
I can remember being so scared afterwards. Nothing like that had ever happened to me before that moment. I remember calling the only person I knew who had personal knowledge of these kinds of things happening as well as being a pastor who counseled people with this gift. He was well known, well traveled, and has many books out about this thing.
I continued to pray as my vision began to become clearer. I saw my friend once again. She was holding her right arm out and coming towards me, as if to lay her hands upon me and heal me. I remember saying in my thoughts, “But God, Lindsey cannot heal me, you can.” I just felt that she was praying for me.
I stood in a dim place as if I were in space. There were no other markings around me. Lindsey continued to come towards me with her hand stretched out towards me. When she finally reached me, she took my right arm, the one that is ill, and raised it up above my head. With her other arm she took her hand and opened up the area of the swollen lymph node. There was no bleeding or pain. I continued to pray and at that moment my heart hurt deeply and my tears intensified.
All of the sudden as if a vacuum were held in the skies above, I felt a strong pull from my arm. I saw a string of black, almost like a cloud, being pulled from my arm as Lindsey continued to hold it up. I felt as if God were sucking all the sickness out of me. The Holy Spirit continued to pray through me – I actually felt as if God Himself were praying over me. The black looking soot continued to be pulled from my body up towards the heavens like a vacuum. It seemed to go on forever as I prayed, but soon it came to a stop. When it was all over, I saw Lindsey take her hand and stitch the open area up. I began to cry tears of joy and happiness and praise God for what He was revealing to me. I thanked Him with all of my heart. I wept tears of thanksgiving and joy for His glorious work and love.
I can remember being so scared afterwards. Nothing like that had ever happened to me before that moment. I remember calling the only person I knew who had personal knowledge of these kinds of things happening as well as being a pastor who counseled people with this gift. He was well known, well traveled, and has many books out about this thing.
I needed to speak with him on the phone about it. I desperately needed a mentor. I needed someone who could teach me and share with me their experiences. I needed someone who could help me understand and who knew first hand about how I should respond and what I should do.
I felt reassured when I heard the man tell me on the phone that I was not losing my mind. He told me to consider myself lucky because not many people get a visit from a demon like that but it does happen and he has known it to happen. He also said that the next it happens I’ll be ready and say, “Give it your best shot!”
After that vision, I never had another problem with any swollen lymph nodes or any other sickness related to that area. Praise God!
I felt reassured when I heard the man tell me on the phone that I was not losing my mind. He told me to consider myself lucky because not many people get a visit from a demon like that but it does happen and he has known it to happen. He also said that the next it happens I’ll be ready and say, “Give it your best shot!”
After that vision, I never had another problem with any swollen lymph nodes or any other sickness related to that area. Praise God!
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